India has been another step in my life, another step in this journey of following my Savior. 

The opportunity to share with so many who have never heard how the world was created or how much they are loved by the Creator is humbling. To hear from the mouths of these poor women who have drunkard husbands that beat them, cheat on them and use what little money they have on alcohol instead of feeding there hungry children is heart wrenching. They are scared and alone, barely surviving in there world rampant with death, disease, illness and demon possession. There children run around bare foot and runny noses, bright smiles and ragged clothes unaware of the horrors and tragedies that face them. Most of the boys turn into there fathers, allowing alcohol to fill the hopelessness they feel. The girls are arranged marriages at a young age filling the role that there mothers had before them. 

Some mornings I don't feel like going into the dirty and noisy slums. I feel like having a regular day where I don't see so much hurt and pain. Those days become less and less and now I found myself missing them when a day goes by and don't see them. Amongst all the pain I see Jesus wanting to give life and hope to these dark places. 

When my selfishness creeps in I pray and ask the Lord to give me a deep love for these people and he shows me how much He loves me and how His heart hurt for me  and searched for me when I was in my darkest places of despair not knowing Him or trusting Him.  This thought fills me with a deep compassion for these people to know the Love of the Father. Nothing in my life has been greater than His love for me. I tried to satisfy myself with many things, family, friends, relationships, education, knowledge, jobs, success, money, volunteering, "doing good", traveling, fun, experiences...the list can go on and on. At the end of all of these I felt emptiness and an even greater emptiness than before. In my efforts to find meaning and fulfillment I chased after these things. I was feeding my ego and pride, hiding behind huge insecurities and trying to fill a hole of loneliness with busyness. A fear of not being important and a desire to be admired always dawned at the core of my ambitions.  

Yes, my sins are ugly and go deep. The death of Jesus on the cross went deeper.  His death was not in vain but covered every last deed I did or thought I thought. His pain, His sacrifice took it all away and gave me new life. I am the image of my Creator and He finds pleasure in me. Thank you Jesus that I can be your beautiful bride and that you have this same hope for each hurting soul. A promise of salvation. A future of a full life. A life of peace, trusting in a mighty God that takes care of all our needs. I know this all to be true and am thankful to share the glorious wonders of knowing You!

For though we have never yet seen God, when we love each other God lives in us and his love within us grows ever stronger. 1 John 4:12